I don’t know why I’m still surprised when it happens, but every time I think I have parenting figured out we hit the next stage and I’ve got to learn it all over again. Our latest stage – tweenager – started when my daughter was in 4th grade. Every Friday and Monday morning when I dropped her off at school I’d walk her to the gate, get a big hug and a kiss, and send her off on her day. Sometime in that year, I barely noticed it, the hugs and kisses switched to a sideways hug (if her friends were around) or a “bye dad” (if more friends were around).
What’s a dad to do? I’m cool (at least in my own mind) – I respected her need for space. But in retrospect I respected it a little too much.
This last summer she became bored and distant. We don’t get to spend a lot of time together so it was a painful adjustment. I just wrote it off to her growing up. But one day someone pointed out that I barely touched my daughter. Ouch! And true. So I tried an experiment – every morning I gave her a big hug and a kiss. A couple times during the day I did the same thing – and I told her how much she means to me.
And like magic her boredom and distance went away. Not completely – I don’t think I’m ever getting back that cute 5 year old that would snuggle with me on the couch while we watched The Little Mermaid. She still has her quiet moments – her body is changing and she’s experiencing a whole new set of emotions. But we’re closer and hopefully as she changes she’ll occasionally give her dad an unexpected hug.